you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
