My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
