Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
