I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
