put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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