First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
