my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We talked him into tasing himself.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
