dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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