dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
