Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
