I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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