A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
