He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
