I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
