Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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