I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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