he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she told me i tasted like america
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
