I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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