This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
