He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
