youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
