Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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