I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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