lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
