Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
