I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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