His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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