dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
