I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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