Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
