HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
