Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
