im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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