and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
