Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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