So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
