you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
