I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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