I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
