I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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