In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
