I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
