i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
