I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
