R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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