I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I use my feet as sexual weapons
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
