Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
