Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
