i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
