I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
A+ Viking dick
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
