How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Someone stole a lamp last night.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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